I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
