This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
