Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
