Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
