I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
