It's Friday. Sex?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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