His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
