i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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