That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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