i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
this is an emotional support booty call
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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