Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
