The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
