Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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