Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
