She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
