dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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