get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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