I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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