i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she smelled like a LAN party
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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