i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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