Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I will be naked everywhere
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize