we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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