I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's never too late to be topless.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
