I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
tell me about the eggs
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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