is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
