i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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