i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
