This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
