Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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