That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
