Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
