we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
