I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just threw up on my dentist
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
