no one should ever give us hovercrafts
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
