she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
