Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That's intense
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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