I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We are all done wearing pants today
Pants are for mortals
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
