5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
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My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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