Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
