he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
