i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am midnight drunk by noon
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
