I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
kristin has been a bad kristin
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
