Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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