I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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