Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
