if you like me you must not know who I am
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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