It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
