can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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