Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize