You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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