What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
