Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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