I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
