I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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