I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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