she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
