She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
