Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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