this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
