I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize