i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
