He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
