Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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