Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
