Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
