i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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