So drunk its hurt
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
