Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Randomize
