he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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