...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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