You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
