You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
