Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
