dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
