Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
