Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize