thus making me awesome and them whores
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
